Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
