im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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