My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
