He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
