I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
