In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
