Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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