I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Randomize
