Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
