Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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