I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
