He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
