We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
