We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
