dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
