Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
3pm strippers are depressing
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
