yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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