4 words: hood of his car
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
