it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
