we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
