I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
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You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
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I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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