people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize