I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
