Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
