I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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