I'm lost and stupid without you.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
