Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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