You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
