i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
