worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
