Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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