I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
