maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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