ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
