Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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