she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
