Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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