Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
if i died would you start the facebook group?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every concussion has its silver lining
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize