He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
