I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
