i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I think your dad took our porno
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
