so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
