you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize