"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
