He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
