had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
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He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
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My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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