Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
