i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
