So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
