I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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