I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.