it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
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nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
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do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.