i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
