so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
