Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
