I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
