toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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