3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize