what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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